Naruto's lists
by Sara Uchizumaki
Summary: the same as sasukes list. he tells us shit. random is awesome!


**A/N: I absolutely loved Sasuke's lists. It came out better than I had hoped, and I had the feeling I should write Naruto's list. For those of you who were wondering what he was saying to Sasuke. Enjoy! **

**Warning: Crude language, and that's it! XD **

**XxxxxXSAKURAXxxxxX **

I hate how you and that slut Ino chase after him.

You put your hands all over him right in front of me!

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

The next time you walk in on me and Sasuke's . . . relations; ill break both your legs.

Sasuke doesn't want you, and I'm too good for you. I realize that now.

The next time I see you stealing pictures of sasuke and me I'll hurt you.

You're always pushing m around and hitting me.

You never wanted to date me . . . but I'm over that.

I didn't say I wanted to have a threesome.

Why would any guy want to get into bed with you?

You'll castrate me if I don't.

Fine. Here's the teme's phone number.

He might not want to.

Yeah . . . you go talk to Sasuke . . . remember he's mine.

Girls like you will never get married.

You're too aggressive.

Why the fuck is your hair pink?

Green is an ugly color. Your eyes are hideous.

I despise you, but not because you wouldn't go out with me.

It's because you are a mean and disrespectful girl.

I hate the fact that you're always after my boyfriend.

I get that he's attractive, but he's with me now . . . and you never respect that.

Get into his bed naked again and I will personally chidori your ass to next year.

Why you gotta be so fucking mean!

No I don't want you.

Stop hitting me!

If you continual chase after a boy that tried to slice your throat with a kunai, you're a baka.

How dare you say that. I'm attractive as hell, good enough for Sasuke.

Well, you were a good friend but now you're just annoying as fuck.

I might be demon scum to you and all the other villagers, but not to Sasuke.

He will never want you more than me. Period.

That threesome is never gonna happen. You're disgusting.

Yes I'm well aware you're training under Baa-chan.

Sasuke hates you. Why do you think he keeps changing his number?

When I look at you I think, '_EW _I _can't believe I liked this pink haired slut.' _

I despise you.

I will do the sexy no jutsu and beat your ass to a bloody pulp if you touch my man again.

Don't think I won't.

I'm sure if I was a girl id look sexier than you.

And my chest nubs . . . would be massive. Sasuke will never go for you. You hag.

**XxxxxXSasukeXxxxxX **

Your eyes hold so much passion.

You helped me get over my obsession with Sakura.

Your cock is gigantic and you slammed into my prostrate; who wouldn't have screamed?

I only tried to poison her because she kissed you.

Your hair is awesome; it's got that duck butt going on.

I actually do think it's too one sided; I only do it because you buy me ramen after.

Again, I do it for the ramen; plus I love when you hit that spot . . .

Oh yeah I was pissed when I saw her, ax wound. So I had to reassure myself you wanted me.

Well you buy me ramen, so you know.

No! I am too sore for sex tonight! You horny bastard.

I don't give a fuck you want sex.

Oh; really? You're not getting any for the next four weeks.

–Blushes- I love you too.

Well you bite me too.

My passion . . . is because of your massive, problems. It takes a lot to relieve you; teme.

I don't like it rough. When I go 'Hh h-' I am trying to say holy shit.

Didn't I just say no sex?

What. Ever. Oh, and I bought some tomato flavored whipped cream.

Oh I know some guys at the supermarket.

N you can't suck the cream off of me! Jesus! Don't talk to me. Pervert.

I'm not mad at you.

I SAID HOLY SHIT!

Eat some ramen.

Umm, no. I don't want that at all.

–looking at Sakura- hm . . .

She said something; asked for a threesome, so I gave her your number.

I love you bastard. You want some makeup sex?

Yeah . . . do you want some?

Uh no pain pills . . . why?

Ok. Teme. I invited Sakura over for a threesome.

Why! She gonna fucking kill me! I promised! Why won't you get into bed with her?

She's gonna castrate me . . .

Because! I want pleasure.

Y-you're so mean! Waah!

I l-love you!

Don't leave me for her!

Ok. –gets on his knees and brings the head of Sasuke into his mouth sucking and licking-

–finishes and wipes his mouth-

No I don't want you to fuck me!

Because I thought it would change your mind about the threesome!

What? Do you only want me or something?

Hm. What about Sakura?

You kissed her under the mistletoe last Christmas!

Did you wash your mouth after you kissed her?

The deal was you only get sex if you give her a gift!

No sex . . . for a month.

Kk! After you give her the gift we can have sex.

–Blinks- how did she molest you?

Oh, yeah I see. It's on your lips and neck too.

She pulled out her . . . AHHHHH! THE VISUAL!

PUPPIES PUPPIES PUPPIES!

Yeah. I'm good.

No. I know what you need.

Yes. We can have sex.

Tehe don't be so pushy teme.

–moans and wet slaps fill the room-

What?

Yes, so do I. but do you know about the neighbors?

Yeah. They know you name because you're an Uchiha.

YOU RAM INTO ME! WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

–Jumps up and starts punching his stomach-

BITCH DON'T CALL ME A Dobe! –punches his stomach and his eye-

–kicks him off the bed and jumps into his gut with elbow out-

YOU BETTER BE SORRY! –sits down on the bed, in his boxers now-

WHAT YOUGONNA DO? –Starts stomping him in the nuts and kicking him around- MITCH!

I'm not the mean one! You started it by calling me a Dobe!

Your right. Want me to rub you poor little friends? –rubs soft tender circle into his balls/penis-

Tehe your so nasty –continues to rub-

No I'm not going to the bathroom!

OH REALLY?! –begins stomping Sasuke in the nuts again-

And then you won't be getting any sex!

Ok, but it couldn't have hurt that bad.

I DON'T HAVE WHAT! –jumps up and kicks him in the nuts again-

–puts him in a headlock and gives him a nuggie, while slamming his knee into his nuts-

Say you won't do it again!

Good. I'm glad it hurt. Bastard.

I'm sorry! –Snuggles- I didn't mean to fuck you up that bad.

I love you!

DID YOU JUST CALL ME Dobe AGAIN!?

Oh well. Forget it.

For those of you who still want to know why I chose this bastard, it's because of the following.

He's kind. To me

Thoughtful. Again to me

He knows so many positions.

He gives me ramen all day! For a price, though.

I love his smile, it's pretty.

And he has so much passion.

If I wasn't gonna be the next h0kage, I would want him to be.

Yeah. He's that awesome.

Even though I have to kick his ass most times, he's cool.

I love the teme.

Once, we had an indoor water balloon fight, and I guess he decided it would be fun to fill them with tomato juice.

I lost the fight, but the aftershock was fucking great.

His tongue can do things that would put Jurayiou to shame.

I believe his icha icha paradise is based on us.

You should read them!

No, never mind.

It had me in shock for days.

–Shudder- and it gave the teme so many ideas . . . so may.

Well! I gotta go! The bastard and I will be back to talk about our other friend, Kiba and Neji!

**A/N: I'm not sure about this one. The one from Sasuke's point of view was cool though. Hehe. Well that's all for now! **

**Kisses! Sara-chan. **


End file.
